John Farley Klose gave me a good reminder in his last comment!!!

i banter with frustration. Seriously i don't think i know how to manipulate-- i see people do it all the time, ( at times i honestly envey those people, but only at their confidence, and well every ones ability to spell!) i Q how they can actually acheive their goal, let alone morally justify it. don't misunderstand me i don't want to actaully be one of those people i find vain, conceeded, and self serving.- i just know that since early child hood i've struggled with and sense of confidence. it's both a weakness, and a Gift. in most it produces pride, yet in some it produce pure authority. i believe the manipulator is one who is in the shadows of pride.-- i actually am fasinated with those who command authority-- yeah i'm a nut case!!
i now know my frustration is disapointment, but it's falls back to my previous post about being In Christ's marvelous light. it's just a turn of the head, or a side step that you find your self peerring into the shadows, when in fact the process of salvation has you you in Him, in His light.

that is the same with our students. i've been very disapointed esp with our student council. I know that possibly i've set the student council up on a high pedistal- expectting more, and disapointted at them, when in fact they need to learn to do a 180 instead of a 90- they themselves have steeped into their own shadows, and haven't completly turned their eyes around.
they know no other way, the church knows no other way, hence i find the roots of my frustration. i'm frustrasted , because i'm trying to help God along- i know better, yet look , hear i am Hello I'm Andy Mr dumb butt, who has been stepping in front of his Master.

well here i sit in silence, it's very late, and i should either be in bed, or doing hermanutics, or lit, or even Spanish. i've slacked off, and i feel guilty for not feeling guilty- i swear i must have some jewish , or catholic blood, maybe both....
Tonight went well with youth, although i totally stunded every one with my butt wipping anology-- Even Teresa had that look like oh no andy- but stew said it made it very clear-- i am mister base sometimes i can't stopp chuckling as i type. but it got their attention.- i'm comming to realize that the message speaks for it's self, and what they do with it is what they do-- i can't go on waving the flaggs, and shooting the darts, or whatever i fear needs to be done, if a student slakes back-- it is the Holy Spirit who deals with each soul.. not me-- no matter how hard i desire to reach them.

still here i now sit, teterring on so many edges- wanderring if i'm truely list'n to the Holy Spirit as well. one minute i'm super andy the next i'm a song by shaun groves. i better go who knows what else will spring from my finger tipps-

Father God i beg you to forgive me of my unbeliefe, i thank you for your ever present Grace

"Into marvelous light I'm running,

Out of darkness, out of shame.

By the cross you are the truth,

You are the life, you are the way"

Ever feel like you've just stepped into radiant warming light?
Ever feel like you left a place of cold darkness?
When i think of all the shadowy places i have been, when i think of the dark self serving Psycho bable i have talked my self into, or I have seen others do to themselves, i am slammed with remorse, yet i'm reminded that now these things are just temporary, because the Cross has placed me into this amazing Light, when i find my self peering into darknes, it's only that i have turned my head, and eyes into this darkness. I, my self am peering into a lie, because no matter what place i am in, I am still placed into Marvelous Light- and it is i who turned away, and it is He who always takes my face into his open palms. like a father and redirects my eyesight into the light.

Into Marvelous light by Chris hall.

I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep
Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take Your Life.
sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!
Chorus

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross You are the Truth,
You are the Life, You are the Way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that I have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light
Lift my hands and spin
See the light within...

yep that puts it well. haven't a clue as to who may happen upon this, but this does not matter-- i plan on using this space for my true journalling experience, free from duty with my students, and free others who play the comparison game so often with me. This is a place for me my self and i to explore my monsters find which may be slane, and which pinned up in the back like a curisity, or a old dog who actually knows some tricks.
to leap upon the small ship and sail away into self reflection